Real Boys Essay -- English Literature Essays

Real Boys While Reading the book Real Boys by Dr. William Pollack, I realized that our society is holding boys to contradictory standards aiding the problems that many of them face while in adolescence. This book introduces the reader to numerous boys who share their feelings of shame and despair in trying to live up to the "Boy Code". Pollack feels the pain that comes from boys prematurely separating from their mothers puts them on the cycle to hardening themselves emotionally. The one acceptable emotion becomes anger. Throughout the book Pollack encourages parents to take time with their sons in helping them express their feelings while showing them empathy and love. Pollack discusses the ways parents can help their boys escape from the gender straightjacket that is imposed upon them. Pollack exposes myths that negatively portray boys as macho creatures shaped by testosterone with no social skills. He instead presents examples of boys who are emphatic as a result of nurturing parents and educates the reader to be aware that boys express their love through action and work. Pollack includes chapters regarding the different but equally important role of mothers and fathers in bringing up their sons. He also writes about the effect of healthy relationships with peers and the devastation that some boys feel when they discover they are homosexual. Pollack takes on the schools in failing boys in a number of ways but specifically for failing to understand the Boy Code. Boys continue to lose self-esteem as the mask of masculinity tightens and they conform to what society expects from them, interfering with their ability to learn effectively. Dr. Pollack not only gives us the problems that face the adolescent boy he also gives us suggestions to remedy and rectify the situation. This is nice instead of simply offering negative statements he actually offers the reader a solution. Another beneficial aspect of Dr. Pollack’s writing is the fact that he uses so many references to his research and the research of other notable psychologists instead of over emphasizing the personal instances in his own life. When he wants to emphasize a point with a real life person, he uses a third party. When speaking of these contradictory codes that a young boys is taught to live by, Dr. Pollack says: "Boys have had to learn to walk a fine line. Have intimacy without sentimen... ...ollack talks on breaking down gender stereotypes; he seems to perpetuate them by seeming to insist that the mom be the central part of upbringing. Extensive sections on single moms but the only discussion of single dad households is two sentences which state that research showing relatively positive outcomes (i.e. relative to mom getting sole custody, not relative to intact families) is controversial. Pollack notes that Dads are more likely to suffer from depression after a divorce but does not draw the logical reason. Dads lose far more than moms in a divorce. Yes moms economic status goes down more, but she tends to keep what is really important... the kids. Even today the courts are horribly biased against men in divorce cases. A mom must be totally unfit to not get at least joint custody, dad has to fight for minimal visitation rights. These are however minor quibbles with the book, the central principle of the book: Today’s boys are in big trouble, and much of that tr ouble stems from never being allowed to show any negative emotion other than anger, is a very important one. Boys are not toxic they need our love and support, even if they put on a tough self-sufficient disguise.